Transformers: The Last Knight

Last night we went to see 7pm showing of Transformers: The Last Knight. Treese had already pre-purchased the tickets, which were for assigned seats, so we didn't need to leave early, but she did have to rush home from work so that we wouldn't be late. Once we got there we learned they had pushed it back to 8pm, and we were expecting to get free popcorn but that turned out to be for participating locations only, of which this location was not. We hadn't eaten since lunch and popcorn is too expensive to buy so we were quite hungry. On the plus side, our friend Cindy was running late so she was able to meet us there without missing any of the movie.

These Michael Bay Transformers movies are all dumb. Everyone knows it. You're expected to just turn your brain off and enjoy the ride and I was able to for some of the previous films, but this time I just couldn't. Perhaps because I was hungry, or perhaps because this is the fifth one of these things and they have yet to improve anything other than the CGI. I didn't understand why Optimus Prime decided to return to Cybertron to meet his maker and didn't understand how he thought he could get there by just using a jetpack. So now Tranformers don't need spaceships to fly across the galaxy? And I really, really didn't understand how he actually made it there in only a couple years! How fast was he going?! How close is Cybertron?! I also didn't understand how Cyberton, a freakin' planet, could arrive right next to Earth and yet not affect the oceans or the weather or gravity or anything else.

These films are known for their action and there was no lack of it here, but it was shaky, zoomed-in, and cut so fast and often that I could barely tell what was going on. I didn't care about any of the characters so I didn't care who won or who died. I also didn't like the sexy professor lady. She was smart, sexy, clumsy, and completely generic. The banter between her and Mark Wahlberg felt forced, never clever or witty. I liked that 14 year old girl they introduced in the beginning but I didn't like how she was barely used at all and I hated how they ended up using her at the end. There's so much more I didn't like but I'm sure you don't want to hear all about it. There was some humor which got me to chuckle a few times towards the beginning, however I got bored early on and after a while the jokes stopped feeling humorous. There was a ton of fighting and explosions and eye candy but not one reason to care about any of it. If the next Transformers movie also ends up being done by Michael Bay, I think I'll pass.